Individual counselling itself brings up so much discomfort for many people let alone marriage counselling! In many cultures it is considered a taboo or a hushed topic. When it comes to couples counselling or Islamic marriage counselling, people traditionally resort to family or friends to seek advice and to resolve issues. Whilst it is great to have a supportive network of people to help navigate challenging times in a marriage, sometimes our loved ones are too invested in our lives to provide unbiased support that actually benefits the relationship.
At times it could be little teething problems like a perpetual wet towel on the floor or dirty dishes left in the sink that act as a culprit. Depending on the gravity, these could be managed with some compassion. Islamic faith describes husband and wife as being garments for each other. Undoubtedly, we are invited to show love and mercy in the marital relationship, but there are times when the marriage hits a rocky place. You are the best judge of your relationship health in light of your faith levels, world view and individual values. Here are some green flags to look for in a healthy relationship. See how many you are able to check off in the below list.
| Green flag points | Yes/No |
| Appreciation– you respect and value your partner and express gratitude often | |
| Balance– you find happiness in time spent together and apart. Some needs are met outside the relationship (through friends, hobbies etc.) | |
| Commitment– you are invested in your partner and the relationship. You give the relationship adequate time and energy | |
| Commonality– you share important goals, beliefs and values with your spouse | |
| Conflict resolution– you take responsibility for your actions as a team to solve problems | |
| Effective communication– you communicate your own needs and wishes while respecting those of your partner | |
| Empathy– you take your partner’s perspective and understand their feelings even if you do not always agree | |
| Honesty– Your actions align with your words. The thoughts and feelings you express are genuine | |
| Independence– You have own interests and goals separate from those of your partner | |
| Intimacy– you feel and connected with your partner physically and emotionally | |
| Safety– you respect your partner’s boundaries. You feel safe physically, intellectually (expressing thoughts) and emotionally (expressing feelings) | |
| Self-confidence– you feel comfortable being yourself in the relationship |
Typically at least having 9 to 10 yes is a decent starting point requiring some tweaks to set your marriage on track. Anything less than a 9 would mean that it is a good idea to seek some professional help so that down the track this gap does not increase. Islamic faith is big on all the values of balance, honesty, empathy and commitment in a marriage. If you require help to redirect your relationship towards improved bonding then reach out to me for a chat.
Muslim counselling shouldn’t be hard to find. I can offer you convenient telehealth counselling from the comfort and privacy of your home and in light of Islamic marital values.
Book a time with me for a friendly chat.
Wishing you peace and purpose
Tahira